June 12, 2011. On this date, Beverly Jean Rogers left this earth to the open loving arms of Jesus. She was my supporter, mentor, hero and, most of all my mom. Oh Lord, how I miss her.
She believed in me. She believed in my diagnosis of fibromyalgia. She always called to see how I was, if I needed anything or if she could help me in someway. All of this from an 80ish woman!
On any given day my mom could outwork me. She was an "energizer bunny" if you will. She raised 5 children on a salary my father earned as full time factory worker and part time farmer.
This has had a profound impact on me and is the big reason I have not blogged in so long. I just could not formulate a sentence. There was energy only for the necessities of life. In the midst of her later weeks I had to have a total knee replacement. The pain was terrible and the pain in my heart even worse. I sat by her bedside in a recliner with an ice pack on my knee and just watched her breathe. I never wanted to forget the sound of her gentle breath.
My knee is now healing but my heart is still breaking. All of this is not kind to my fibro at all. I am taking the summer of from playing clarinet in an outdoor band and I have declined many invitations. I have survived with the help of family and facebook friends. My husband has been so supportive.
What can I take away from this? That loss is part of life but it nonetheless sucks. The increased stress has caused me increased symptoms. I expect to slowly heal but not without a scar, somewhat like my knee. My knee scar is proof that I had surgery. I am living proof my mother existed but there will be an internal scar on my heart.
I will be dealing with this again. For now, let the healing continue . . . . .