I suppose the title is a dead giveaway to say the least. I did land in the hospital on Thursday night, my husband's birthday. It all started like this . . .
I fainted. Four times. Out like a light. I could hear my husband's voice but could not respond. After the fourth floor hit my husband insisted on taking me to the local emergency room . . .
We arrived after 20 minutes of driving in near zero visibility snow. I was ushered into a room quickly and hooked up to an IV. Now the IV was a problem for both nurses and to say I nearly had a blackout from the needle being put in and out, yikes!
In the next room was our own personal episode of COPS. Four policemen were guarding a drunk young man who was being very abusive. I tried to relax between yells of "I didn't do nothin'" and "Get off me pigs". Lovely . . .
I was admitted. I was taken to a cold, uninviting room. I was introduced to a few people then told to try and sleep. That would have been okay except across from my room was a patient that was having a definite problem. Groaning and yelling came wafting through the air reminding me of Sloth from the Goonies. . .
After a few hours of bad sleep I was wisked off to testing. CT scan, Echocardiogram, chest xray and ultrasound of my heart and carotid arteries. I was still very cold . . .
The food was terrible. I had to ring to go to the bathroom (I did understand this as a safety measure). After all that the tests came back negative (yay). . .
With all of this I asked myself, why couldn't I go home and do any other tests on an outpatient basis? I asked for the nurse and he paged the doctor who came to see me. I convinced him, as a medical professional (retired, medically) myself that I could monitor my status, my husband would be home and I could do anything else outpatient. He was initially reluctant but finally said yes. . .
I came home and felt fine. This is Saturday and I still feel fine. I have reasoned that since all my tests were negative something else must have happened. Here are the facts: I had not eaten in a long time, it was 1:30am, I had not consumed adequate liquids that day, there was an adrenaline rush from seeing the opening of the musical (my husband was the pit conductor) and I tend to be lightheaded easily due to medications. I believe it was this combination of factors that lead to my fainting. . . .
I am going to follow up with the doctor, I did buy a blood pressure cuff and I have consciously tried to drink more water today. . .
I did come away from all of this with one thought: I am going to take a little bit more time for myself. I do not want to go back to that room again, ever!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Why I Isolate . . .
It has been hinted at by family that I may be spending too much time alone. "It isn't healthy" they say "you will just dwell on yourself" or "it will make the pain seem worse". I listen, trying not to react, roll my eyes or say something that will be misconstrued or offend anyone. So I pondered. Am I isolating? Why, yes I am.
Why I isolate is partly self preservation, partly sanity driven and mostly comforting. What I mean by all this is I want to isolate. Few people understand what I am dealing with, the constant pain, fatigue, and aches plus other varying maladies. Add to that questions regarding why I can go to the grocery store but I cannot work (are you kidding), do I really need the cane (only if I don't want to fall over) and is CFS/fibromyalgia real cause someone told me it isn't (well if it isn't someone should come and tell my body).
I isolate to keep my sanity by surrounding myself with familiarity, warmth, smells and noise levels that I can tolerate plus no one with questioning looks when I use my handicapped placard. People do not understand that odors, noises and other environmental factors can increase my discomfort. Large gatherings of people can stress me out. Sometimes just the thought of certain events makes me ill.
I suppose it is possible that some will think I am developing a phobia and that I am scared to leave my home. Nonsense. I can leave but on my terms if possible. If I am allowed to plan it increases the odds that the outing will be successful or at least tolerable.
I am trying to get better. That is always my goal but I also have to live in this body so some level of acceptance is important as well. Maybe I will not have to isolate as much someday but, for now, it is necessary. Necessary for my sanity. Necessary for my body. Necessary for me.
Why I isolate is partly self preservation, partly sanity driven and mostly comforting. What I mean by all this is I want to isolate. Few people understand what I am dealing with, the constant pain, fatigue, and aches plus other varying maladies. Add to that questions regarding why I can go to the grocery store but I cannot work (are you kidding), do I really need the cane (only if I don't want to fall over) and is CFS/fibromyalgia real cause someone told me it isn't (well if it isn't someone should come and tell my body).
I isolate to keep my sanity by surrounding myself with familiarity, warmth, smells and noise levels that I can tolerate plus no one with questioning looks when I use my handicapped placard. People do not understand that odors, noises and other environmental factors can increase my discomfort. Large gatherings of people can stress me out. Sometimes just the thought of certain events makes me ill.
I suppose it is possible that some will think I am developing a phobia and that I am scared to leave my home. Nonsense. I can leave but on my terms if possible. If I am allowed to plan it increases the odds that the outing will be successful or at least tolerable.
I am trying to get better. That is always my goal but I also have to live in this body so some level of acceptance is important as well. Maybe I will not have to isolate as much someday but, for now, it is necessary. Necessary for my sanity. Necessary for my body. Necessary for me.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Stressful times
This is a particularly stressful time for me. Ignore my husband's crazy job as a college band director, my worries as a mom and the financial issues of being disabled. To increase my pain and fatigue is my mother's health.
Mom has been declining for awhile. Her heart is slowly giving out. She is losing weight and needs oxygen 24 hours a day. She is not eating very well. Mom now lives with my sister who is an RN. I am facing the fact that I will soon be losing my mom, my biggest cheerleader and my role model. It hurts in more ways than one. The pain in my heart is accompanied by pain in my body and increasing fatigue.
How do you deal with this impending loss? I have a few suggestions that are working for me:
1. Make sure I take my daily vitamin supplement, watch my diet and get adequate sleep.
2. Try and do some form of exercise daily even if it is only a few chair moves or a couple of bicep curls.
3. Read from my Bible daily. Nothing calms like God's inspired Word.
4. Spend time with my mom. I have asked so many questions about relatives, her life and my deceased father's life. Things I have always wanted to know.
5. Take my sister out to lunch to give her some down time and a chance to talk.
6. Don't forget to take time to spend with my husband.
7. Turn off the tv and sit in silence. Let the emotions wash over me and give them the forefront.
8. Try and keep the basics of the house in order. Cook simple meals. Don't let the laundry get too deep.
9. Eat chocolate.
10. Listen to my IPOD.
In addition, make sure my prescriptions are filled and any other items I regularly use are available in case of a flare.
This is my personal list I am sharing with you. This list may and probably will not work for your personal situation and stress. During times of stress we need to try and keep some normalcy and also some time to honestly deal with the grieving that has already started.
The reality is I am soon going to lose mom. It hurts, it stinks and it is normal. I am going to embrace the moments as they come. That works for me.
Mom has been declining for awhile. Her heart is slowly giving out. She is losing weight and needs oxygen 24 hours a day. She is not eating very well. Mom now lives with my sister who is an RN. I am facing the fact that I will soon be losing my mom, my biggest cheerleader and my role model. It hurts in more ways than one. The pain in my heart is accompanied by pain in my body and increasing fatigue.
How do you deal with this impending loss? I have a few suggestions that are working for me:
1. Make sure I take my daily vitamin supplement, watch my diet and get adequate sleep.
2. Try and do some form of exercise daily even if it is only a few chair moves or a couple of bicep curls.
3. Read from my Bible daily. Nothing calms like God's inspired Word.
4. Spend time with my mom. I have asked so many questions about relatives, her life and my deceased father's life. Things I have always wanted to know.
5. Take my sister out to lunch to give her some down time and a chance to talk.
6. Don't forget to take time to spend with my husband.
7. Turn off the tv and sit in silence. Let the emotions wash over me and give them the forefront.
8. Try and keep the basics of the house in order. Cook simple meals. Don't let the laundry get too deep.
9. Eat chocolate.
10. Listen to my IPOD.
In addition, make sure my prescriptions are filled and any other items I regularly use are available in case of a flare.
This is my personal list I am sharing with you. This list may and probably will not work for your personal situation and stress. During times of stress we need to try and keep some normalcy and also some time to honestly deal with the grieving that has already started.
The reality is I am soon going to lose mom. It hurts, it stinks and it is normal. I am going to embrace the moments as they come. That works for me.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Facebook Craziness!
I am stressed! My fibro is flaring, flaring, flaring!!!!!! My mother's health is declining and other family issues are driving me crazy. In addition, lately facebook has not been the safe haven it has been for me.Facebook friend turns on facebook friend. One bans the other and this resulted in outright yelling back and forth. It was pathetic and hurtful to witness.
Why do people turn on each other so easily? Is it because it does not involve real person to person contact? I do not understand the anger that can rear it's ugly head so quickly. It is almost frightening to watch, like a pack of wolves tearing prey to pieces. Maybe some will say that I am being overly dramatic but I do not think so. This seems to be especially true for the support sites. Fibromyalgia is such a devastating condition that stressors can trigger many negative emotions. These emotions and resulting anger can erupt easily, especially if the person feels threatened. We all need a support system whether it is physical family or an on-line family. Any perceived betrayal can have swift consequences. In the end, who does it hurt? The entire fibromyalgia community! Unless those of us with fibro stick together we will never have the clout we need to for effective change.
I pray we can learn from these instances of anger and outbursts. If not, we will stay mired in a sea of doctors and others who doubt our illness. Sad.
Why do people turn on each other so easily? Is it because it does not involve real person to person contact? I do not understand the anger that can rear it's ugly head so quickly. It is almost frightening to watch, like a pack of wolves tearing prey to pieces. Maybe some will say that I am being overly dramatic but I do not think so. This seems to be especially true for the support sites. Fibromyalgia is such a devastating condition that stressors can trigger many negative emotions. These emotions and resulting anger can erupt easily, especially if the person feels threatened. We all need a support system whether it is physical family or an on-line family. Any perceived betrayal can have swift consequences. In the end, who does it hurt? The entire fibromyalgia community! Unless those of us with fibro stick together we will never have the clout we need to for effective change.
I pray we can learn from these instances of anger and outbursts. If not, we will stay mired in a sea of doctors and others who doubt our illness. Sad.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Fibroland, a tour!
I am still in Fibroland, that wonderful place where all fibromites go when they are flaring. It is a journey that is never planned, never anticipated and never welcomed. I thought you might like a tour.
The entrance is surrounded with a fog that varies from just a mist to pea soup consistency. This makes it very difficult to navigate at times, not that it is easy to navigate in a flair anyway! The price of the ticket is very high. It is not mere currency. The cost is the sapping of your energy, the blurring of your mind, the pain surging throughout the body and the isolation that comes only with a chronic illness that is in an exacerbation phase.
Now you are through the gate and ready to see the layout of Fibroland. It is a bleak and desolate looking place. Oh, there are rides, but they have long lines and when you finally get to the ride itself it is often slow, fatiguing and exhausting.
When all that specialness is over with it is time to grab some refreshment. The menu consists of the following array of delightful items to choose from including: dizziness, IBS, migraines, spasms, muscle twitches and spastic bladder. For dessert you can sample from: headaches, morning stiffness, sleep disorders and vision disturbances.
On to the souvenir booths we find so many things to take home with us like: widespread all-over pain, fatigue, multiple chemical sensitivity, pelvic pain and depression.
The main problem is that by the time you have gotten over all of Fibroland, you are exhausted. You are ready to leave, but you can't. You can't until you find a way to get yourself to the first aid station. There you will find stress relief, massage, medications, and understanding. When you can find the station, then you will be able to leave Fibroland and never a moment too soon!
The entrance is surrounded with a fog that varies from just a mist to pea soup consistency. This makes it very difficult to navigate at times, not that it is easy to navigate in a flair anyway! The price of the ticket is very high. It is not mere currency. The cost is the sapping of your energy, the blurring of your mind, the pain surging throughout the body and the isolation that comes only with a chronic illness that is in an exacerbation phase.
Now you are through the gate and ready to see the layout of Fibroland. It is a bleak and desolate looking place. Oh, there are rides, but they have long lines and when you finally get to the ride itself it is often slow, fatiguing and exhausting.
When all that specialness is over with it is time to grab some refreshment. The menu consists of the following array of delightful items to choose from including: dizziness, IBS, migraines, spasms, muscle twitches and spastic bladder. For dessert you can sample from: headaches, morning stiffness, sleep disorders and vision disturbances.
On to the souvenir booths we find so many things to take home with us like: widespread all-over pain, fatigue, multiple chemical sensitivity, pelvic pain and depression.
The main problem is that by the time you have gotten over all of Fibroland, you are exhausted. You are ready to leave, but you can't. You can't until you find a way to get yourself to the first aid station. There you will find stress relief, massage, medications, and understanding. When you can find the station, then you will be able to leave Fibroland and never a moment too soon!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Sorry for no new posts.
Hey everyone, I have been sick for two days and unable to post. Thought I would just quickly get on here and let you all know where I have been. Look for a post tomorrow.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Whine, whine, whine. Part II
Well I guess this is going to be part II today. I did not sleep soundly at all. I was slow to wake so I had to take a QUICK shower and fly out the door to my podiatrist's office. I spent 1 1/2 hours in that office, up on an elevated chair, constantly shifting to stay comfortable. If it wasn't my knee it was my back, neck, shoulders or that darn left foot. After consulting with the doctor and describing recent symptoms, he diagnosed me with tarsal-tunnel syndrome. Great, I thought to myself, another diagnosis to add to the ever growing list. Sigh. When does the list stop growing? The doctor and I went over my recent MRI and talked about options. Together we decided on physical therapy and a cortisone shot to a pocket of swelling on the lateral side of the foot near the nerve.
Next, I hobbled to my car and proceeded back to home where I would just make it in time for my hair appointment. I was only having it cut. I stopped having it colored months ago secondary to cost and fatigue from sitting in the chair so long. I also have cut it shorter due to the fatigue in my arms/shoulders when trying to use a blow dryer. On the positive side the chair used to wash my hair is ergonomic. Possibly due to the fact that my hair stylist has fibro? I made it through the appointment. Then . . .
Off to the chiropractor. Dr. Tim is my life line and a shoulder to lean on at times. He does e-stim, heat and a gentle adjustment. It helps. Now . . .
I am back home, ate a late dinner (a can of Slimfast, lol) and have been trying to catch up on some paperwork but my shoulders are killing me again.
I hate having fibro. I HATE it. It limits my life, isolates me at times and causes no small amount of pain. If pain were a food it would be the most disgusting thing ever. It would smell horrible and taste worse. Fibro is like that. It can be horrible and get even worse. I am so angry at times with people who say they think those of us with fibro are faking or lazy. I would love to have a day pain-free.
I want out of Fibroland. I do not like the rides, there are not enough bathrooms (for those of us with IBS), it is either too hot or too cold, too bright or too loud, always too something! The food is gluten free, fat free, low carb, lactose free, and taste free (at least to me). The cost, now the cost is way to high. You have heard of an arm and a leg? Well fibro costs you your life! I so want out.
Well, that is my rant for tonight. I have to be up early tomorrow to see yet another doctor. This doctor will go over my recent left knee MCL repair and discuss a timetable for my need for double knee replacements. Joy!
Next, I hobbled to my car and proceeded back to home where I would just make it in time for my hair appointment. I was only having it cut. I stopped having it colored months ago secondary to cost and fatigue from sitting in the chair so long. I also have cut it shorter due to the fatigue in my arms/shoulders when trying to use a blow dryer. On the positive side the chair used to wash my hair is ergonomic. Possibly due to the fact that my hair stylist has fibro? I made it through the appointment. Then . . .
Off to the chiropractor. Dr. Tim is my life line and a shoulder to lean on at times. He does e-stim, heat and a gentle adjustment. It helps. Now . . .
I am back home, ate a late dinner (a can of Slimfast, lol) and have been trying to catch up on some paperwork but my shoulders are killing me again.
I hate having fibro. I HATE it. It limits my life, isolates me at times and causes no small amount of pain. If pain were a food it would be the most disgusting thing ever. It would smell horrible and taste worse. Fibro is like that. It can be horrible and get even worse. I am so angry at times with people who say they think those of us with fibro are faking or lazy. I would love to have a day pain-free.
I want out of Fibroland. I do not like the rides, there are not enough bathrooms (for those of us with IBS), it is either too hot or too cold, too bright or too loud, always too something! The food is gluten free, fat free, low carb, lactose free, and taste free (at least to me). The cost, now the cost is way to high. You have heard of an arm and a leg? Well fibro costs you your life! I so want out.
Well, that is my rant for tonight. I have to be up early tomorrow to see yet another doctor. This doctor will go over my recent left knee MCL repair and discuss a timetable for my need for double knee replacements. Joy!
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